Deg-deg

Awalnya sih hari ini biasa- biasa aja, yang beda sih paling status ya udah beda, terus dedek gaada bbm lagi, bbm semalem gadibales atau sinyalnya bermasalah. Disekolah banyak jam kosong-_- mono banget. Terus abar fuad baca bbm aku sama dedek pake logat "aneh" keras- keras, tim adiwiyata datang, anak- anak kelas sembunyi kebelakang, haha beneran lucu, awkward.

Sampai rumah kira-kira jam4 dan gak ada orang, itupun abis pergi ketemu sama bang irfan, cerita- cerita gitulah. Kekunci, mono-_- terus tiba-tiba revi nelfon, telfon berempat sama gelsi fitria revi. Lama- lama bang ayat dateng, terus cerita bentar kalo bilang aku putus, terus blablabla. Waktu aku bilang dedek minta ketemu, bang ayat sewot, "kalo dia mau ketemu suruh dia ke rumah skekarang" yaampun kaget banget waktu bang ayat bilang gitu. Seriusan gue, kirain bang ayat becanda- becanda gitu, eh ternyata serius,

Daaaan gilanya, aku bbm dedek supaya dia kerumah. Awalnya sih dedek nanya- nanya ada mama, segan- segan gitu, eh ternyata dianya mau, sumpah kirain dedek gakmau, geregetan bangettttt swear. Deg- degan, langsung mandi cepat- cepat, sempatin sholat. Deg- degan banget, beneran, masih gak ngangka itu kenyataan. Terus sms dia, tanya dia dimana, terus akhirnya dia sms bilang "aku udah di gang depan rumah kamu". Kompromi dulu sama bang ayat gimana caranya ajak dia masuk, jalan ke depan gang deg- degan bangetttt, muter arah liat ke imut ngilangin rasa deg-degan. Tapi malah tambah deg- degan, sumpah benerannn.

Sampai didepan gang, ketemu dia, mukanya itu sedih, capek, suram, sumpah sedih banget liat dia gitu. Terus aku bilang aja "ikutin aja aku, tapi aku gamungkin naik boncengan kamu, rumah aku yang ada abang didepannya" terus aku jalan, setengah jalan baru dia pake motor masuk gang. Sampai didepan rumah, aku gaberani liat ke dia, sambil jalan bilang "bicara sama abang aku ya", langsung masuk rumah, sumpah takuuuut rasanya, cemas, campur aduk, ada senang juga. Terus masuk kamar mama langsung teriak histeris. Si imut kan aku suruh ngintip-ngintip dari luar, keliatannya sih dia cemas gitu, sumpah gaberani liatt gue. Smsin gelsirevifitria, eh abis itu pulsa habis pula-_-

Akhirnya bang ayat manggil suruh keluar, bayangkan aja, dedek minta balikan didepan bang ayat. Bicarain tentang bio twitter, ttg kenapa aku mutusin dia, dan asiknya lagi, kak ipit, bang dede juga keluar. Jadinya rame. Oh iya bahkan dedek sempat salaman sama mama kak ika, si bigossss. Duh astajim, pokoknya gang jadi rame aja, padahal biasanya sepi. Ngeselin bangetlah. Sekitar sejaman dedek didepan rumah, untung aja mama sama papa lagi ketempat nenek, sumpah itu unpredictable bangettt. Ga direncanain, sumpah.

Thank you to came bravely to my house, spoke with my brother, and another things you did last night. Thank you for make me alive (again) I hope since now we have chemistry so that I can love you more than this. And as you know, too much love will kill you darling;)

Hello D, how are you? Fine? I hope so. I'm sorry for what I did yesterday that hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt you, really. Nothing lasts forever, I'm sorry I can't be perfect for you and we can't go back.

I'm sorry. I'm never gonna be good enough for you, I can't stand another fight and nothing's alright. Please understand me, as you know, I'm bleeding too, its hurt and hard for me, like you do. I hope this is the best way for us.

Wanna hear the truth? I still love you, its real

Perfect

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

Maaf, aku ingin putus

Entah harus darimana ku memulai kata-kataku
Resah gelisah tak menentu, dari jauh lubuk hatiku
Bukan, bukan keinginanku tuk mencoba meninggalkanmu
Namun tak bisa ku jelaskan, aku takut menyakitimu

Berat rasanya, berat rasanya untuk
Ungkapkan kata meski melawan hati

Sayang maafkan aku ingin putus
Sayang maafkan kita harus putus

Berat rasanya, berat rasanya untuk
Ungkapkan kata meski melawan hati

Sayang maafkan aku ingin putus

Sayang maafkan aku ingin putus
Sayang maafkan kita harus putus
Sayang maafkan aku ingin putus
Sayang maafkan kita harus putus

Confused

I don't know what kind relationship I do now, really don't know. Don't know what should I do now, ended or let it happened again and again? Really confuseeed, if I say it must end so fast like this, I'm really gonna miss him, miss his treat to me. But if I still with him, I don't know...

I just can't trust him anymore, I just can't accept what he did yesterday, and my mind ejected it. Really I can't, but if I say so to him, I had known what kind his answer, but Allah please, can't him understand me? Just this time. Can't him? Really Allah, I don't want relationship like this. I know in his perseption it was just usual, but for me it was really unusual and deep inside I can't accept.

Allah, could him understand this? He's sensitive, but why he can't understand me... I'm type of girl who did like that. And I can't tell it to anyone, can't. Don't know to whom I should tell this...

Please, understand me, if you can't, I'm gonna leave you maybe...

Miley- I hope you find it

These clouds aren't going nowhere, baby
Rain keeps coming down
I just thought I'd try to call you, baby
For you got too far outta town


And I hope that you get this message
That I'm leaving for you
'Cause I hate that you left without hearing
The words that I need you to


And I hope you find it
What you're looking for
And I hope it's everything you dreamed
Your life could be and so much more


And I hope you're happy, wherever you are
I wanted you to know that
And nothing's gonna change that
And I hope you find it


Am I supposed to hang around and wait forever?
Last words that I said
But that was nothing but a broken heart talking, baby
You know that wasn't what I meant


Call me up, let me know that you got this message
I'm leaving for you
'Cause I hate that you left without hearing
The words that I need you to


And I hope you find it
What you're looking for
And I hope it's everything you dreamed
Your life could be and so much more


And I hope you're happy, wherever you are
I wanted you to know that
And nothing's gonna change that
And I hope you find it


Whatever it is out there
That you were missing here


And I hope you find it
What you're looking you
And I hope it's everything you dreamed
Your life could be and so much more


And I hope you're happy wherever you are
I wanted you to know that
And nothing's gonna change that
No, no, no


And I hope you find it
I hope you find it

9th

Gak nyangka udah sebulan aja sama dia, gara-gara abis sama bang tegar udah putus asa aja, pasti gabisa pacaran lama, takutnya sih gitu, berasa kena kutuk aja gara-gara dia-__- but now? 1bulan rasanya udah alhamdulillah haha, tapi yang disedihin sekarang, kenapa sih dedek terkesan gak ada waktu banget, ngejemput pulang udah jarang banget malah, awal- awalnya aja yang "segitunya" sekarang? Jangankan ketemu sekali seminggu, ini udah hampir dua minggu ga ketemu. Iyasih aku-nya juga sibuk akhir- akhir tapi dianya juga sama sekali gaada niat. Tapi ya mau gimana. Bisa dibilang sih sayangnya sama dia waktu bisa ketemu sama dia tiap hari, waktu jalan- jalan, bisa cerita- cerita, ngerasain nyamannya bareng dia. Feel so full:)

Terus lagi kan, kadang sedihhh aja rasanya, susah, susah ngebawa bawa diri ke dia. gabisa jadi yg kayak dia mau, dia suka, disatu sisi sukaa banget lembutnya dia, sayangnya dia ke aku, tp disatu sisi gabisa sama dia, dia terlalu lembut buat aku, gabisa imbangin:( dianya sensitif pun, jutek dikit aja, dianya sedih, tapi sekarang lumayan siih, dianya udah ngerti aku juga kali ya hehe, sekarang sih biarin aja semuanya terjadi gimana mestinya, gakmau mikir muluk- muluk dulu, capek, ntar makan hati. Apalagi cerita dari ayu kemaren, agak gimana rasanya gitu, agak kesel, tapi mau gimanalah. Mau apalagi? Udah lewat juga.

Tadi geregetan terus seharian, just unbelievable☺☀


"Ku tau ku takkan bisa menjadi seperti yang engkau minta, namun selama aku bernafas aku kan mencoba"

Hello April, 9th 2013
Happy anniversary 1th month dear, even just 31 days (just a number actually) we passed together, I'm lucky having you...